In what’s being described as “Australia’s most relatable identity crisis,” Post Malone has reportedly forgotten he’s a world-famous rapper and accidentally started working as a tradie in Bendigo.
Witnesses say the singer was last seen drinking a VB behind a Bunnings, wearing hi-vis, and explaining to a mate that “music’s good, but you can’t beat a clean slab pour.”
Local construction crews welcomed the newcomer after he effortlessly blended in by calling everyone “chief,” rolling a dart at 8:00 a.m., and saying “smoko’s sacred, bro” with chilling authenticity.
“He just rocked up on site with a mullet, a stubby holder, and that same energy he had on stage,” said one coworker. “Honestly, he fits right in. We thought he was from Castlemaine.”
Authorities are unsure how to proceed, with rumours that his record label has dispatched a search team disguised as a footy club barbecue. Reports suggest he’s been spotted DJing at a Bendigo RSL under the name Post Mix.
When asked if he’d return to touring, Malone allegedly replied, “Mate, the only tour I’m doing now is of the Mitre 10 tool aisle.”
