Chaos has erupted outside a Brisbane fish and chip shop today as non-binary activists staged a furious protest against what they describe as “systemically phallic culinary oppression.”
The target of their outrage? The humble battered sausage.
According to protest organisers from the newly formed group “Gender Neutral Grub,” the elongated snack represents “heteronormative food design” and perpetuates “deep-fried patriarchy.”
Witnesses say chants of “No justice, no sausage!” echoed through the streets as activists waved signs reading “IT’S SHAPE, NOT TASTE!” and “EQUAL RIGHTS FOR CURVED BITES!”
The shop’s owner, bewildered but polite, told reporters:
“They wanted us to make them round. I said that’s called a potato scallop.”
One protestor reportedly fainted after spotting a footlong in the fryer, while another demanded that the shop “reimagine its menu through an inclusive lens” — suggesting “emotionally supportive nuggets” as a replacement.
Police were called to the scene but refused to intervene after learning the new electric patrol cars had a 45-minute chase range and no nearby charger.
In a city where property prices have tripled, rent’s unaffordable, and crime’s exploding — at least someone’s brave enough to stand up to the tyranny of the sausage.
