AS FAN LIGHTS FLARE — CLAIMS HE WAS “SUMMONING THE SPIRIT OF BRITPOP” 
Pandemonium erupted last night at the Oasis reunion show after a fan lit a flare mid-ballad, shouting that he was “bringing back 1997 — properly this time.”
Witnesses say the man, wearing a bucket hat and an unbuttoned parka, ignited the flare during Don’t Look Back in Anger, waving it overhead like a pyrotechnic prophecy. Nearby fans mistook it for a stage effect — until his eyebrows joined the light show.
Security described the moment as “deeply spiritual, deeply stupid.”
The incident reportedly inspired Liam Gallagher to stop mid-song and yell, “Finally, some atmosphere.” Noel, meanwhile, rolled his eyes so hard that a minor tremor was detected in Manchester.
Paramedics treated the fan for mild burns and severe nostalgia, while police confiscated what they described as “a distress signal to the past.”
When questioned, the fan allegedly told officers:
“I wasn’t starting a fire, mate. I was reigniting the movement.”
Mocktopus verdict: The man didn’t just light a flare — he lit the fuse on a new era of midlife crisis performance art.
